Sometimes The Things That Keep Us Shackled Are What We Think We Want

A shackle can disguise itself as something you think you should want.

We typically feel “shackled” when we have a bad boss or a toxic workplace culture we can’t escape from, but a shackle can insidiously disguise itself as something you want or as something you think you should want. It typically shows up in the form of security, money, or an opportunity that seemingly fulfills your aspirations.

You might be in a job that is exactly in line with your career path, pays you well, isn’t very taxing, but you feel an urge to do something else. You know on the one hand you want to leave, and yet the proposition of leaving fills you with dread because of the security you’d be giving up. It’s akin to a loveless marriage you stay in because you have a nice house and money to buy whatever you want.

In an alternate scenario, you could be a baker who is offered the chance to buy the bakery you work at. This is an opportunity to be your own boss, have financial freedom, bake whatever your heart desires, potentially grow the business even bigger. Yet you don’t want to buy the bakery, but you’re also scared not to buy it, thinking you must be crazy for not wanting this.

In both of the above scenarios, you can’t escape the nagging feeling that you’re making a bad decision. In one, you’re leaving the comfort and security of a job; in the other, you’re resisting the seemingly next obvious step for career growth.

Welcome to the world of professional shackles, a metaphorical iron-like grip on your mind making you doubt what’s best for you.

The brain and society are a powerful duo that, when joined together, can imprison you and keep you from either embarking on a new path of opportunity or urging you towards a situation you think you should want.

It can be tough to know which is the right decision, to stay or go; to seize the day or let it pass. There are many factors that will push you in the direction of not rocking the boat, or going the route society deems most appropriate.

The Psychology Of Choosing To Stay Shackled

When it comes to staying with a job you don’t like but think you should - perhaps because of the money or the position or it’s what you’ve been working towards your whole career - people tend to stay put because of loss aversion.

Loss aversion is our tendency to avoid loss over potential gains, because we feel the pain of loss greater than we feel the pleasure of gain. For instance, the pain of losing fifty dollars is greater than the feeling of pleasure we’d get if we found fifty dollars. So, our innate psychology tries to avoid loss and keep us safely cocooned within the status quo.

What if I leave and don’t make as much money? What if I never find another job again? What if my new business flops? What will people think of me if I don’t do [fill in the blank]?

This is fear of the unknown and it’s completely expected and normal. These are the questions that keep us shackled. If you’ve ever felt this way, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Some of the biggest companies in history have made catastrophic decisions not to change because of loss aversion.

To name two, Kodak and Blockbuster. Kodak developed one of the first digital cameras but Sony beat them to market because of Kodak’s hesitancy to launch, fearing the terrain of this new technology, and ultimately choosing to remain with their legacy business model. Blockbuster chose to stick with its brick and mortar stores instead of going into DVD delivery. Then along came Netflix.

Examples of loss aversion are everywhere. It’s easy to retroactively think “how stupid,” but we can all easily succumb to loss aversion in the moment.

Resisting “Opportunity”

Our world presents many “opportunities” to us, convincing us we should want certain things that may not be right for us: a chance to own your own business, an offer for advancement into a leadership role at your company, marriage, family, you name it.

In the aforementioned baker scenario, it’s not so much a question of adhering to the status quo or facing loss aversion, but rather battling with what society and the media thinks we should do with our lives. We live in a society that equates “success” with money and power and ownership, but that’s not the path for everyone.

Some people are born entrepreneurs and some people are born employees. Both need each other and both have equal value. It’s perfectly acceptable not to want to own your own business.

It’s important to listen to your gut and see why you’re leaning one way or the other. Make a pros and cons list when an “opportunity” pops up to see what you’d gain and what you’d lose.

How will you benefit if you choose the opportunity? What will you lose? What’s most important to you when it comes to how you want to live? What fulfills you?

Keep In Mind Change Is Exhausting

Any change in your normal routine - and particularly big ones - are going to be somewhat mentally exhausting. New and unfamiliar routines and choices challenge the comfort zone of our ingrained habits.

When you effect a change, you force yourself out of that comfort zone. It takes a lot of energy, and it can wear you out. Even choosing to eat a bagel for breakfast when you’ve been eating yogurt every morning for years can deplete you to some extent.

Making a choice that’s right for you can leave you exhausted, simply by removing you from the routine you’ve been in. When you break free from a shackle, you might feel a sense of freedom in addition to some anxiety and fear. These are normal responses to changing your routine and resisting the status quo.

The good news, however, is the more new ways of thinking and doing you adopt, the better at effecting change in your life you become, which can have an enormously positive impact on your life moving forward. This is the way of a growth mindset, of developing who you are, and discovering what you want out of life.